Seduction

7 Oct

Don’t worry, this is rated PG.  I’m not that kind of writer, heh.

It’s #FlashFriday again, and the #FridayFictioneers are writing and sharing their 100-word stories over at Madison Woods’ blog.  Check out some of their stories or even share one of your own!

Mine is–big surprise–100 words exactly, again.  It was a tough one and I still feel like I couldn’t find the right words to explain things the way I wanted to, but it is what it is.  Here’s the inspiration image Madison shared for this week:

I’ve noticed I take a fairly straightforward approach to interpreting these images setting-wise, only I like to infuse some sort of fantasy element.  Just seems to be my pattern, I guess.

~

Seduction

Madeline burst through the woods, sobbing and stumbling as she whirled to see whether he’d followed.  In the silence of dawn, the hairs on her neck prickled at the sound of another’s respiration.

She looked over her shoulder.

In the silhouette of the valley, before the awakening sun, awaited tendrils of mist which advanced and receded like breath.  It whispered of mended hearts and unbroken promises, seductive to forlorn ears.

“Madeline!” his desperate voice called from the trees—desperate because she knew he loved another.  His words rang hollow.

Lost, she turned to the mist and stepped into its embrace.

~

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27 Responses to “Seduction”

  1. T. S. Bazelli October 7, 2011 at 11:14 AM #

    I wonder if the mist will take her… (Can’t help but keep the fantasy brain on hehe)

    Like

  2. Madison Woods October 7, 2011 at 12:50 PM #

    I liked that. My stories sometimes use the image as setting, but I also add a element of fantasy or otherworldness. Can’t seem to write any other way, lol. Yours was very well done.

    Like

  3. The Lime October 7, 2011 at 1:11 PM #

    LOVE it. Lois is still my favorite, but your sense of adventure is just mind bogglingly awesome. (I want bogglingly to be a word).

    Thanks for writing 🙂

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 4:27 PM #

      Heh, I like that word!

      I think I like Lois more, too, but it was fun to write something for a different character. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  4. susielindau October 7, 2011 at 1:33 PM #

    So romantic!! I like how you use the drama of the image to play such a big part in your story.

    Like

  5. deshipley October 7, 2011 at 2:20 PM #

    What I like most about this piece is the massive amount of possibility we have for pre-and-post story plot: What’s happened that drove Madeline to this moment? What will become of her in the mist? The potential knows no bounds!

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 4:30 PM #

      This is true! I guess I can always come back to it later and explore more, huh?

      Thanks for reading, Deshipley!

      Like

  6. mahjira October 7, 2011 at 2:33 PM #

    I love the use of your words “His words rang hollow.” I can almost feel that she wanted him to want her, yet his words just didn’t give the sound of conviction that she was hoping for. So sorry Madeline. :/ Very nicely done, Tiyana. 🙂

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 4:42 PM #

      Yes! That’s so cool that you inferred this ’cause I definitely had that in the back of my mind. 🙂

      Thanks for reading, Mahjira!

      Like

  7. dmmacilroy October 7, 2011 at 3:59 PM #

    Hi Tiyana,

    Loved your story, especially the part where she knew he loved another. To people who have experienced that tearing apart of a love, those words will resonate clearly. Well done.

    On a writerly note, I’m wondering if ears can be forlorn? Possibly in appearance, but… I felt what you wanted to convey, but thought the word usage was not proper. (Definitely, most probably am wrong here, but thought I’d mention it because it derailed me from the wonderful story you’d crafted.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 5:16 PM #

      Hi, Doug! Those words mean a lot to me, considering I’ve never actually been “in love” before, haha. (*gasp*) Yeah, crushes? Sure, but beyond that and platonic love…nope, nope.

      You’re right: ears can’t really be forlorn, though I guess I was just using the ears to represent Madeline herself while putting the focus on what she (believes she) is hearing. Perhaps this is a form of personification, or perhaps I’m just making stuff up! LoL. The latter is certainly possible.

      I don’t know, maybe someone else has more insight into this?

      Like

  8. John Hardy Bell October 7, 2011 at 5:32 PM #

    Making stuff up is what we do, so personally I’m all for that approach! 🙂

    I sense much more story here. Don’t leave us hanging for too long!!

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 5:56 PM #

      Heh. “To be continued…” Right? 😉

      Like

  9. John Wiswell October 7, 2011 at 5:46 PM #

    I hope the mist is nicer to her. Often running away winds up worse than staying…

    Like

    • Tiyana October 7, 2011 at 6:00 PM #

      It does seem unlikely that the mist would be any nicer, heh. Whatever the ending, I’m sure it would have to be a twist of sorts, and I’m not exactly genius at those so…that would be an interesting assignment.

      Like

  10. Sonia Lal October 8, 2011 at 9:55 AM #

    The mist better be nice to her!

    Really really like this line: In the silhouette of the valley, before the awakening sun, awaited tendrils of mist which advanced and receded like breath. It whispered of mended hearts and unbroken promises, seductive to forlorn ears.

    Like

    • Tiyana October 8, 2011 at 11:33 AM #

      😀 Thanks, Sonia!

      Looks like it’s getting mixed reviews, heh, the one line.

      Like

  11. Jan Morrill October 9, 2011 at 7:26 AM #

    Wow, Tiyana. It sure seems to me you found the “right” words:

    ” . . .awaited tendrils of mist which advanced and receded like breath.”
    “Lost, she turned to the mist and stepped into its embrace.”

    Exquisite!

    Like

    • Tiyana October 9, 2011 at 10:46 AM #

      Oh, yay! Thanks for the kind words, Jan. 🙂

      Like

  12. Ayslyn'sCorner October 9, 2011 at 9:23 AM #

    Wow, really nice. I like the emotion, that underlying sense of helplessness. I want to know what happens next!

    Like

    • Tiyana October 9, 2011 at 10:52 AM #

      Thanks, Ayslyn! I’m really glad that sense of helplessness came through. As I’m sure you know, it can be hard to squeeze all you want to convey into 100 words, and I didn’t want to under- or overdo anything.

      Like

  13. Jay Noel October 11, 2011 at 4:42 PM #

    Ooooooooooh….what’s in the mist? Something ominous?

    Or maybe a better question would be, what IS the mist?

    Great job!!!!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Versatile Blogger Award! « lalala of rowan nhaima rhys - January 13, 2012

    […] I don’t quite remember how I stumbled across Tiyana’s blog (I do believe I did through her post, Worldbuilding: Settings & Maps), but I’m glad I did. A fellow speculative-fiction writer, Tiyana is a steampunk enthusiast to the millionth power, IMO, hehe. Her posts on this subgenre and on elements of writing are detailed, informative, and fun to read, and her short-stories are fantastic and engaging (see Seduction). […]

    Like

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