A Little Advice?

14 Mar

>Hey, peoples.  I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something.

I’ve been putting it off (my other versions weren’t so great), but I finally wrote a presentable “blurb” for my WIP.  Got some perspective and came back to it.  So far it’s the best I’ve managed to come up with.  Here’s what I have:

Voi Román is in a pickle.  Suffering from a rare psychophysiological condition known as emelesia, she faces a grim fact of life: By her twenty-fifth birthday, the urche supplements she takes will not be enough to manage her condition; soon, she will need to be admitted to a mental asylum.  Well, she’s twenty-four and a half now, and to make matters worse, her aeroplane tour company, AeroTaxi, has undoubtedly seen better days.
Running on her last drop of optimism, a possible solution presents itself when a questionable government agent visits her home.  He claims there is a cure for her condition, though it comes with a price.  Work for us, and we’ll work with you, he promises.
Tentative at first, Voi embarks on a journey of self-discovery.  Before she knows it, she is swept up in a whirlwind of arcane occult practices, experimental aerocraft technology, aerial espionage, and international intrigue.  It’s enough to make a girl go mad.  Though, Voi’s sanity is not the only thing she risks losing…

It’s at 169 words, which I hope isn’t too long.  I’ve got a shorter version that’s only a sentence long under my “Element 7” tab, and maybe that one could be a little shorter, too.  Not 100% sure of length guidelines.  (I’ve heard anywhere between 75 to 200 words for blurbs, at least.)  Anyways, I was hoping to put this one up there, as well, to give folks (and myself) a better idea of the story.  I hope that isn’t too preemptive of me, considering I’m still in the editing process (halfway through now, not including rewrites). >_<

Any suggestions? 😀

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5 Responses to “A Little Advice?”

  1. T.S. Bazelli March 14, 2011 at 2:50 PM #

    >Cool! I like to write one half way through the writing process to keep on track while I write the rest of the book, so no I don't think it's preemptive(thought it might change).Some questions to maybe make this a bit clearer:What is the effect of her condition? In what way is she's losing her mind? Hallucinations? Drifting in and out of reality? It's implied but not explicit. Also, why would a government agent pick her (what makes her special) out of everyone? LOVE the last 2 paragraphs. Enough to intrigue. Sounds like an adventure 😀

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  2. J. Noel March 14, 2011 at 4:02 PM #

    >By a "blurb" do you mean something that would be used on the back cover of your book? If that's the case, it needs to be shorter.It looks like you sort of combined a very short synopsis with a blurb. A blurb is really meant to draw a reader in…it screams "Choose me!"The blurb will intice a reader to choose your book over the others. It should promise the reader that the book is awesome, exciting, fun…whatever it takes to get them to read it.I really can't imagine a 200 word blurb, as people's attention spans won't give a book's very quick one-over 200 words. Your third paragraph is by far the strongest. Sounds promising! You book sounds like something I would love to read.

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  3. Tiyana, aka "Yoyo" March 14, 2011 at 6:01 PM #

    >Theresa: Thanks! I love that it's making you ask those questions, because those are exactly the things I want to you to wonder about! Guess I'll have to finish this thing and get it out there so you can read it and find out, huh? ;)Jay: Thanks for the feedback!I guess I'm confused as to the definition of "blurb." It seems some people mean synopsis when they say that, and others mean the one-liner selling point. I meant the bit that might be on the back cover, which to me seems to be somewhere between the one-liner and a synopsis.Heh, okay, aim for shorter. What would you say is a good range for the length? (By the time I'm done with this exercise, I should have plenty to choose from! lol)

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  4. J. Noel March 14, 2011 at 7:28 PM #

    >I would say maybe a sentence or two added to that third paragraph's size. That would be long enough to allow you to snag the would-be-reader's attention and short enough for a fast review.

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  5. Tiyana, aka "Yoyo" March 14, 2011 at 10:05 PM #

    >Hm…the thing is I don't want the "action" to be the main focus. I mean yes, it's in there for fun and to appeal to that crowd, too, but believe it or not it is secondary to Voi's "journey of self-discovery." It would be ideal to succinctly combine both elements in the blurb, but…Even then, taking out unnecessary details, I've only been able to get it down to 122 words. -__- (Hey, that's 47 less, right?)Oh! I got my one-liner down to 17 words: "An aviatrix with a rare psychophysiological condition discovers herself when a government agent offers her a job."

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