Oh wow, I totally didn’t realize that today was Wednesday…lol.
Most of those I know out in the blogosphere probably don’t know this yet, but…I was in a major car accident last week–like “Level 1 Trauma” major. I didn’t see a truck when I was pulling onto the freeway and got t-boned.
To be honest, I’m lucky to even be alive–and hardly damaged (physically), at that.
I was knocked out cold. I don’t even remember what happened after spotting the truck too late–not even the impact–just that when I woke up again I saw blue skies, a plane overhead and some arched lines I guess made up the cockpit of the helicopter I must have been flying in. I remember I kept asking, “Where am I?”
One of the men onboard said somewhere in the background, “She’s repetitive…”
Next time I woke up I was in the hospital getting CAT scanned. Besides apparently having suffered from a concussion…I was fine, they said.
My mom was already in a different hospital closer to home because of breathing problems, so it was just my dad there before extended family started trickling in. I kept forgetting things they only just said to me… Then they kept trying to get me to stay in the hospital overnight (doc said I didn’t have to stay) and I kept refusing…until my dad said he’d bring me my laptop, haha. (Works much like a pacifier does with a whiny baby, apparently…)
I actually never ended up using it, heh, funnily enough…
Holy Crap–That’s Horrible!
Yeah… Well, I’m fine now. Mostly. Though, it’s affected a lot of people–something I’m still coming to terms with, to be honest. (The other driver wasn’t killed, thankfully, though I don’t know much else beyond that.) Besides attending a class on Friday, I’ve got to show up at court…which won’t be fun. But that’s life, I guess.
The thing that I keep getting caught up on, however (and I mean it is driving me nuts), is that I really don’t understand why I didn’t see that truck coming. I remember I had to kind of look around the light pole–whose lighting system they changed, btw, so that it’s a flashing yellow arrow now instead of a solid green then yellow arrow followed by a red light…or whatever it was before. (Is it scary I can’t even remember these details?)
Anyway, I haven’t been back on the road since last…Thursday? Hmmm…and I’m not too excited about the prospect of returning.
In Short, I’m Frustrated…And My Brain’s A Bit Scrambled
At the end of the day, I feel like I ought to go back to that place–you know, the scene of the Accident–and just kind of meditate and try to investigate what happened…because it doesn’t even make sense in my head.
And that is a scary thing.
You Know What This Kinda Feels Like…
Has anyone seen a movie called Another Earth? It’s a sci-fi flick about us discovering *gasp* “Another Earth“…but at a more basic level it’s about this girl named Rhoda who gets into a car accident in the middle of looking up in the sky and realizing, “Whoa, there’s this big planet that looks a lot like ours floating up there now…” And then she has to deal with the consequences–aka face the only surviving victim of the accident in person. (It’s also about second chances, but I’ll stop drawing parallels here…)
I’m not saying I got distracted by another planet in our sky or anything (’cause that would be c-raaaazy…), though the after effects of all of this feel just as surreal, in a way… What I’m saying is that, like Rhoda, I’m gonna have to face the victim; the accident was my fault. And even though, unlike Rhoda, I didn’t kill anyone…this is still a pretty harrowing reality.
I don’t even know what the guy looks like.
Okay, Before You Go Thinking I Really Am Crazy…
The only reason I thought of this is because I was listening to some random soundtrack music, and “The First Time I Saw Jupiter” by Fall On Your Sword (also in this movie, btw) was playing in the background while I was editing all of this…
Kinda surreal, right?
*sighs* Yes, this is actually how my brain works, and apparently it’s only useful for self-therapy, at the moment…
In Other News…
I don’t have much else to blog about. I keep trying to work on my story, but I haven’t really been able to focus on any one thing for more than like an hour or so since the Accident. Not to mention I’m back on the job hunt again… (I haven’t lost my current one, though. Just not getting enough hours…) Also, I’m waking up a lot earlier than usual, which is weird, though that might have to do with some other non-related crappy incident…
Yeah, not the greatest month for me thus far. But the world keeps spinning, just like all the other planets in the cosmos… Things’ll turn around.
I’ll turn around.
So, how’s your May been going?
Better than mine, I hope!
(P.S.: wanna know the only funny thing about all of this? My parents nicknamed me T-bone, right–and I got t-boned… Ha, ha, ha. Mmm…)